


We pop like daisies

by crybaby (crackedegg), tofus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Other, Post-Chapter 700, You've been warned, dads, or maybe moms, possibily canon, possible Boruto movie spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 08:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5041354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackedegg/pseuds/crybaby, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofus/pseuds/tofus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Oh yeah Mitsuki, we never found out about your parents…" says Sarada, eyes narrowing. "Just who the hell are you?”<br/>“Orochimaru's," chirps Mitsuki.<br/>“O..Orochimaru. You’re saying you’re Orochimaru’s son!? But you need two parents, who is your mother…or maybe… father?”<br/>And then, like he's been waiting for this his whole life:<br/>“Yes.” </p>
</blockquote> <br/>Or, the "how Orochimaru gave birth" headcannon that nobody asked for.
            </blockquote>





	We pop like daisies

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't kill me
> 
> My friend Defiance came up with this ticket to hell, and I penned it the only way I could...whips and all

 

Suigetsu just wanted a snack.

It was a little after nine, past dinner time, but Orochimaru just _had_ to indulge in his maternal instincts for once in his life, and forbid the rest of his "followers" (loosely termed of course) from eating after curfew. Which was bull, because the sharp-toothed ninja didn't ever wake up before 2 pm anyway, so whether this was really dinner or a super late lunch no one really knew. Or cared.

And so Suigetsu snuck out of his "room" (again, more of a stretch since it was basically a glorified hole) to find something to eat. Preferably, the aptly-named "Fish Flakes," a popular brand of chips from Hidden Mist. He could of sworn his last bag of goodies was snatched away from him by Uchiha Sasuke's ~~Fairy Godmother~~ late teacher, and so decided to head straight to said Sannin's quarters. Yes, it was nighttime, but Orochimaru didn't usually finish his bubble bath until 10, and even after that routinely wore a facial mask (packed with antioxidants and anti-aging serums) for another half hour. 

He didn't expect it to be occupied.

There're two figures in the room. One of them's laying down on a bed, long dark locks swirling right next to them on the yellow sheets, gold eyes gleaming in the dark. The other hovered right above them, long dark locks framing the narrow jaw like curtains, gold eyes _also_ gleaming in the dark. It's hot, sweaty, limbs and skin moving in synch.

"Oh Oro-chan," moaned the pinned down figure, voice smooth, silky, skin glistening like wet nose hairs. Their face was angular, a little on the pretty side.

"That's right baby," said the hovering figure, face the exact replica of the person underneath them. Actually, even the bodies were exactly the same, except the one on the bottom has strangely flabby pecs, and missing a mini Oro, among other things.

And that was when Suigetsu stealthily left the doorway like a ninja (no pun intended) and headed to the Super Secret Lab, the one with all the clones. Not without dragging a very confused Juugo from his nappy-nap, night cap and bunny slippers in tow.

"What's the matter-"

"Your face is stupid."

In just seconds, everything in the room was destroyed. Orochimaru was definitely going to nag. He can hear it already. But at least _this time_ , he can shift the blame on someone else.

 

 

12 years later...

Sweaty and bored after catching the panda-bear from their mission _again_ , Team Konohamaru sits on the steps of the Hokage tower, sans the jounin who's off giving the mission report.

"Oh yeah Mitsuki, we never found out about your parents…" says Sarada, eyes narrowing. "Just who the hell are you?”

“Orochimaru," chirps Mitsuki.

“O..Orochimaru. You’re saying you’re Orochimaru’s son!? But you need two parents, who is your mother…or maybe… father?”

And then, like he's been waiting for this his whole life:

“Yes.”


End file.
